How to Break a Bad Habit Without Breaking Yourself By Rev. Zeb T. Hough | Feritas Coaching

We all have them.

The mindless scroll. The reactive snap. The snooze button that somehow controls your destiny. The emotional spending. The overeating. The overthinking. The over-everything.

Bad habits don’t make you bad.

They make you human.

But you don’t have to stay stuck in them.

What matters most is not just the habit itself, but the system that keeps feeding it.

That’s where James Clear’s Atomic Habits comes in—a book that’s been reshaping the way I coach clients (and if I’m honest, the way I hold myself accountable, too).

Why Bad Habits Are Hard to Break

One of the key takeaways from Atomic Habits is this:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

That hit me hard the first time I read it.

Because most of us know what we want to change. But we keep getting pulled back into old patterns—not because we lack willpower, but because the environment, identity, and cues around us are still shaped for the old behavior.

The Root Isn’t Always the Routine

A bad habit is rarely just about the action.

It’s about the emotion underneath it.

It’s about the cue that triggered it.

It’s about the identity it quietly reinforces.

Take emotional eating. Or staying up too late. Or snapping at your kids. The habit isn’t isolated—it’s part of a bigger pattern. The good news? That means we don’t have to just change the habit—we can reshape the pattern.

Habit Change as Identity Change

Clear writes:

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become.”

So instead of asking, “How do I stop doing this?”

Try asking, “What kind of person am I becoming when I choose differently?”

That subtle shift matters.

You’re not just quitting a habit. You’re reclaiming your agency.

You’re deciding who you are—one small choice at a time.

The 4-Part Model (and a Coaching Twist)

James Clear outlines four components of every habit:

1. Cue – the trigger.

2. Craving – the emotional driver.

3. Response – the behavior itself.

4. Reward – the payoff (even if it’s short-term comfort).

To break a bad habit, we don’t just white-knuckle through it—we disrupt the cycle.

And because I believe in coaching from the inside out, I’ve added a layer: reflection.

✦ Coaching Tool: The “Break the Cycle” Journal Practice ✦

(Inspired by Atomic Habits)

Use this when you feel stuck in a behavior you want to change—but don’t want to shame yourself in the process.

1. What’s the habit I want to change?

Be honest. Write it like you’d tell a trusted friend. No sugar-coating. No judgment.

2. What’s the usual cue that triggers it?

Is it time of day? Stress? Boredom? Loneliness? A particular place or emotion?

“After the kids go to bed, I start stress-eating.”

“When I get an email from work late at night, I spiral.”

3. What am I really craving when I do this?

This is big. Go underneath the surface.

“I want to feel comforted.”

“I want to feel in control.”

“I want to be seen or valued.”

4. What response do I usually give myself—and what does it cost me?

Don’t just look at the action. Look at the aftermath. The shame, the regret, the spiral.

5. What’s the reward my brain is chasing?

Maybe it’s relief. Maybe it’s escape. Maybe it’s validation.

Knowing the reward helps you offer yourself something healthier next time.

6. What’s one small shift I could try next time the cue shows up?

Not perfection. Just one vote for a new identity.

“Instead of scrolling, I’ll go outside for five minutes.”

“Instead of reacting, I’ll pause and breathe.”

7. What kind of person am I becoming with this new choice?

Root the change in identity. Don’t just be someone who quits—be someone who becomes.

“I am someone who responds with awareness.”

“I am someone who nurtures my body instead of punishing it.”

“I am someone who chooses peace over reactivity.”

The Long View

The goal isn’t to become flawless.

The goal is to become faithful—to your purpose, your peace, and your progress.

Bad habits break easier when we stop making them our enemy and start understanding their role in our lives. And from that understanding, we build something better.

So if you’re in a cycle you’re tired of living in—pause.

Ask a better question.

Take a smaller step.

And keep showing up for the person you’re becoming.

You’re worth the work.

And I’m walking with you.

—Rev. Zeb